Did I recall something?

I managed to let one of those scary thoughts enter my brain at some point during the last few days. One of those thoughts that I have spent years and dollars working to remove, recognizing that thoughts of this sort propel me down the dark alley of depression and negativity. Reeking of futility, these thoughts muddy up the reflection and cloud the perspective. The good part is that I know now how to handle these thoughts, but that doesn't make them easier to accept. The thought, in particular, is that I just as well forget about One Room given that it has been nearly a year and I've yet to finish one room.

As I look around me, I see that I've not come very far in my project. I can count on one hand the reasons for this, with the quickest to surface being the laziness factor. Follow that with obsessions (and compulsions) of various natures, and the joy of MS-related fatigue, and not much time is left in the day to accomplish any task, let alone making progress with One Room. I have to make some change in myself, again, if I want to see success. Change, however, brings fear. No, not because of any LCMS affiliation issue, but more for the general fear of change that comes with the human wiring. In my case, it is high voltage wiring.


Change stomps upon comfort. Lack of comfort brings out lack of control. Lack of control brings out futility, which contributes to depression. Hence, the entire scope supporting the One Room project is inherently depressing. Medications are helpful, but there is no "clean up my mess" medication. Hmmm. There's a money-making idea. A pill to remove the clutter. Riiiight. I know better. So, lacking the magic pill, I have to do it the hard way, which is harder than most would think. And recognizing that talking about the problem is the first step to combating the problem, I will take a deep breath, take another look around me, and see the potential for success rather than the overwhelming lack of progress.